Color

Hello, my name is Summer and I love to color. 

There, I said it.  I’m 34 years old and I still get excited about cracking open a box of Crayola crayons and breathing in the aroma given off by the rainbow shades.  I should probably be beyond this stage, right?  Past the stage of selecting the perfect colors and carefully working my way across the page, within the lines, of course. 

But I’m a mom and all mom’s color, right?  We sprawl on the floor and sit cross-legged with our children as we transform neutral scenes into scenes full of bright and beautiful color, right? 

Of course we do.  But in full disclosure. . .  kids or no kids. . . I would still color. 

I can still remember the day during our first year of marriage when I bought myself a brand new coloring book and a 24-pack of crayons.  I remember sitting in our hand-me-down lazy-boy rocking chair in the dimly lit living room of our tiny apartment and coloring away as if this is what every 22-year old does.  I remember Chad laughing at me and shaking his head in confusion.  I’m guessing he didn’t expect this is what he would learn about his bride when he said “I do”.

Recently I was watching Chanelle color and found myself thinking back to my early years and all the time I spent coloring.  I wish I had those old coloring books.  Even though I wasn’t consciously aware of it, I had certain “rules” that were applied to all of my pictures.  For example, shirts were red, pants were blue, shoes were brown, dogs were brown, and cats were black.  Rarely would I choose to color a picture that didn’t fit within my rules, because, how would I know what color to use? 

As I watched Chanelle with her crayons, I was struck by the reckless abandon she used to spread vibrant colors throughout her scene. Red, yellow, orange, blue. . . on and on. . .

Sometimes, she used more than one at a time. . .

The shoe had to be “rainbow colors”

My girl knows things I never did.  You see, even though my rules were unconscious, I believe I carried them into adulthood. . . stay within the lines, follow the rules, nothing out of the ordinary, don’t stand out, blend, blend, blend. . . .
Even more. . . staying neutral is good. Neutral keeps you from getting noticed.  Neutral blends in.  In essence, neutral is safe. 

Safe is not a bad.  Safety is important, but lately I’ve been asking myself. . . what might lie beyond safety? 

In all reality, the last two years have been the beginning of stepping away from the safe shore for me.  Little by little I’ve ventured from the known to the unknown and found a world full of bright, beautiful colors.  But as we all know, life is a journey and there are always deeper waters to explore.  Lately, I’ve felt an urgency to explore those waters. 

This would have never happened two years ago. . .

As we approach the close of another year (unless, of course, the world ends like the Mayan’s say) I find myself challenged to to step deeper into unknown waters.  These words by Jen Lemen sum it up better than I ever could:

What if starting tomorrow (today) we could start over? What if we all
decided once and for all to take responsibility for ourselves and each
other with love being our guiding light? What if the end was a brave new
beginning?. . . A chance to let go of all the things that don’t serve you. A chance to choose the world you create.

What struck me the most in these words is this:  A chance to let go of all the things that don’t serve you. . .
The question I am asking myself is this one. . . what if I didn’t worry so much about what others thought of me?  What if I trusted myself enough to just be me?  Even if it meant coloring outside the lines or choosing a different color or even, God forbid, someone not liking the colors I choose?  What might happen?

 I’m not sure, but I suspect that a world of even more vibrant colors might lie on the other side. . .

I have more to say about this, but it’s late and sleep is calling me.  For now I’ll keep it at this. . . I haven’t arrived. . . there are things that I need to let go. . . perhaps this will be the next leg of my journey. 

How about you?  Could the end be a brave new beginning for you?

One of the most
courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who
you are, what you believe in and where you want to go. –
Sheila Murray Bethel.

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Today is the Winter Solstice and as my friend, Denise, has repeatedly reminded me. . . beginning today we add a minute of daylight to our days.  I think that’s worth celebrating.