Three

I remember it vividly.  The 5:00 a.m. wake up and the waiting for Chad to leave for work.  I remember listening for the garage door to close before sneaking into the bathroom like I was a secret agent on a top secret mission.  I remember taking the test and waiting an agonizing minute before seeing the “+” sign appear.  I remember sitting quietly in shock for several moments before calling Chad to share the news.  I remember the blur of that morning.  I remember sitting on the couch with Charlie and Chanelle with tears streaming down my face.  Anxious tears, sad tears, happy tears, terrified tears.  I remember my friend, Lisa, coming over and sitting with me as I cried and processed the change that was to come.  What were we thinking?  Why did I want to mess with something that is already so good?  What if adding a baby changes everything?  What if Charlie and Chanelle don’t adjust?  What if I can’t care for three?  What if. . .

I remember several hours later I was walking into the bedroom and I had a mental image.  In my head I saw myself surrounded by three young children.  There was one on my right, one on my left, and one standing in front of me.  All three were looking up at me.  The image was so fleeting that I was unable to see faces, but that didn’t matter.  Somehow, I knew. . . I knew that all three of those children were mine.  There was something about that image that sent peace rushing toward my heart.  The questions and fears were still there, but somehow I also felt calm, ready, and even excited.  There was something about being surrounded by these three children that made my heart feel complete.  

Now that we are 7.5 months into this three kid thing I can say with confidence. . . three is perfect for us. 

This morning Charlie and Chanelle slept in later than usual.  The house was quiet except for the little corner where Meadow and I were greeted with the morning light.  She sat and babbled and played while I sat back and watched. 

As I watched her I tried to remember back to a time when she wasn’t a part of us.  I tried to remember a time the time when it was just the four of us.  You want to know something?  I couldn’t remember.   It is as if Meadow has always been with us.  She’s always been a part of us. 

In fact, she has entered our lives with such ease that I have no doubt that our littlest was meant for us. . .

I can’t tell you how often I step back and watch these three from afar. There is something about the three of them together that feels so surreal.  Often I have to pause and remind myself. . . yep, they are yours. 

As the months have moved forward and Meadow has become a tiny person, I find myself enthralled by every little thing she does. 

Somebody needs to clean her mirror. . . I won’t say who. . .

It seems we all are. . .

three just feels right. . .