Discovery

Two mornings ago I woke up, climbed out of bed, and reached for the running clothes I had laid out the night before.  As I walked toward the bathroom my entire body was overcome with soreness and exhaustion.  It was as if my body was screaming at me to chill out and rest a bit.  My obsessive nature typically ignores these signs and I go ahead with my planned run.  On Wednesday morning, however, something in me decided to heed these warnings.  Instead of my morning run, I threw on a sweatshirt, walked out into the chilly morning air, and took a seat on the front porch just as the sun was rising above the rooftops.

I sat on the front porch and felt the cool air hit my face as I watched the sun inch its way higher and higher above the horizon.  When I noticed the dew on the grass and the rays of sunshine stretching across the front yard I grabbed my camera.  I plastered my growing belly against the walkway leading to the porch and started clicking away. 

It must have looked quite comical. I have no doubt that my neighbors were questioning the sanity of the pregnant lady laying on her belly in the cool early morning hours.  I didn’t really care. . .

I fell in love with this shot.  Yes, it’s completely out of focus. You can’t tell that you are looking at dewy grass on a late summer morning.  There is no way you could know that the sun was shining brilliantly and that the sky was a perfect shade of blue. 

When Chad saw this image, he stared at it a bit before asking, what is it?  He didn’t see what I saw.  He didn’t fall in love with the bokeh or find anything interesting about the perspective.  It just looks like an out of focus picture.  And, well, it is.  There is nothing special about this picture. . . except that I love it.

Even as I see this image and hear my own thoughts I am struck with the realization of how much change has taken place in my life.  How different I am today from the girl that Chad married ten years ago.  How did I get here?  How did all this change happen?

Truth is. . . the change happened, in part, through heartache.  And as much as I would wish away the hard times and the trials, I would not trade the results for anything.

I sat with a girl today who struggled to see herself for who she is.  I sat with her as she talked through her own uncertainty and insecurity.  I sat with her and clearly saw her beauty–beauty which she seemed unable to see.  I wondered what it would take for this young woman to see all that she has inside her.  What will be the catalyst for her to take an honest look at herself and see the depth of character she carries?

I think this is a process we all go through.  Finding ourselves, accepting ourselves, embracing ourselves as we are.  I think some get it early.  For some it comes easy.  Some have to fight for it.  For some, it’s an ongoing journey. 

I must say. . . I’m loving the journey. 

Can I just be honest about something?  I *love* taking pictures.  I don’t mean I love it like I love Adele’s music or last nights dinner.  I mean I love it to the point where I think about it throughout the day and talk about it incessantly with Chad.  I’m almost embarassed to admit this love. I am fully aware of my novice status and the tons of inforomation that I have yet to learn.  Despite that, I am in awe that I have found something new that I am passionate about.  I know that running isn’t ALL there is.

Perhaps photography is teaching me that we are never “done”.  That none of us has arrived.  That until I breathe my last breath there is room for change, growth, and discovery. 

I pretty much dig that. 

One of my dad’s favorite lectures encouragements to my siblings and I while we were growing up was that he still doesn’t know what he’s going to do when he grows up.  I believe I’ve talked about that before.  I think he knew what I am just coming to know. . . that life really is what we make it.  That if we take the time to truly listen and discover those things that make our hearts beat faster and joy spring up in our souls. . . life will never be boring. 

Around every corner there is something to discover about ourselves. . .

About our world. . .           

                                                                                
  About each other. . .