The journey of a thousand miles. . .

Who among us has not heard this quote by Lao Tzu?

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” 

I’ve always liked it. (Of course I do. . . It has the word “mile” in it.)  Such words make my runner ears perk up and immediately I pay attention.  As someone who has spent more years than not, measuring and evaluating each mile. . . I place a high priority on the steps I take.  Often times those miles would determine what kind of day I was going to have.  A good run equaled a good day and a bad run resulted in fighting my way out of a funk.  Running has always been a huge priority.  It has been a part of me.  In a lot of ways. . . it defined me.  Heck, look at the name of my blog.

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time you might know that I was sidelined with an injury back in August.  Two surgeries and six months later I finally got the okay to ease my way back into it.  I’ll admit that the getting back into shape thing makes me nervous.  I haven’t taken this much time off the sport since, well, since I started when I was 11 years old. 

When I woke up this morning and heard the rain beating against the window and saw only slight remnants of the snow on the ground. . . I knew today was the day. Tzu’s quote was playing and replaying in my head as I dug to the bottom of my drawer for my running clothes and dusted off my New Balance shoes.

As I made my way down the stairs to our treadmill, my adrenaline was already pumping. . . will my foot be okay?  Am I really ready? What if it hurts? What if I re-injure?

(The journey. . . beings with one step. . . one step. . . one step. . . )

After stretching a bit I climbed onto the treadmill and was happy that I remembered the safety code to get it started.  My heart was already racing as I began with a slow walk. . .

One step, two steps, faster, faster, faster. . . until I was running.  I relished the familiar hum of the treadmill and did a happy dance on the inside as I realized, I’m doing it. . . I’m really doing it.  It was slow.  Very, very slow.  But I felt a rush of excitement as I listened to the pounding of my feet and felt the increasing speed of my heart.  It was short, but oh, so sweet. . . Day 1. . . 1.5 miles. . .COMPLETE.

Tzu was right. . . the journey does begin with one step and I have a long way to go, but as I’ve experienced this hiatus. . . I’ve realized a few things.  You see, I’ve been a runner for a long, long, time.  I love the sport.  I love what it has done for my mind, body, and soul.  I have learned so many life lessons through the steps I have taken to log thousands and thousands of miles.  But the latest lessons. . . the lessons that came by NOT taking a step. . . these overshadow them all.

Before this injury I felt that I would never survive not running.  It was literally one of my greatest fears. (Spare the lecture, I know I had no perspective.)  I would often think to myself, what if I couldn’t run anymore?  Running wasn’t just what I did, it was who I was.  I hid myself in the shadow of it.  I got lost in the constant striving for one more mile. . . beating yesterday’s time. . . breaking through that barrier. . . blah, blah, blah. 

The goals were endless.  And while I am a big fan of setting goals and working toward something. . . I have come to understand the importance of balance.  Life needs balance. . . I was in great need of balance.  I was confident as a runner.  Running was the place that I stood tall, felt strong, and believed that anything was possible.  Really, when all was said and done I was only okay when I could say, I’m a runner.  This injury has changed that.  Today, I can truly say, running or no running, I’m okay. . .

just being me. 

I don’t think I could have said that seven months ago. 

This time. . . my journey of a thousand miles came WITHOUT one step.