Life Changing Moments

There are moments in our lives that change us forever. Moments that leave us breathless and examining ourselves, our world, and our purpose in the world.  Some of these moments come with the disappointment of shattered dreams or the tragedy of loss.  Some of these moments come with brokenness. And there are also moments, equally life changing, that  are as exquisite  as a sunrise over the ocean, demanding our full attention. Calling us out of ourselves and screaming to be noticed, taken in, and recognized. I believe that these moments, whether from brokenness or brilliance are equally beautiful if we choose to see it.  Each moment allowing an opportunity to change, to grow, and to live fully.

This is one of my moments.

The birth of our daughter.  My baby girl.  

Over the wail of this little pink being I heard the doctor utter the words I so longed to hear: “It’s a girl!”.  I was elated. It was no longer 2:1, boys to girls, but 2:2.  The dreaming started immediately:  Little pink dresses, tiny fancy shoes, doll houses and baby dolls, tu-tus and hair ribbons, playing dress-up and having tea parties. Unbridled excitement is what I felt.  

As the reality settled in I began to feel the weight of the responsibility of raising this little girl.  I am a mom of a little girl. I will be a mom of a preteen girl.  I will be the mom of a teenage girl!

Oh, how I want her to be safe, happy, and secure.  How I hope she will embrace herself as she is.  That she may learn to trust her own instincts and develop her own faith.  That she may learn to see the beauty that is in her as well as the beauty in the people and the world around her.  That she may always be able to laugh at herself and not take life too seriously.  That she may dream big dreams and believe that she has all she needs to reach them.  That she always has an awe and wonder about the world and can see the beauty in the simple things. That she never runs out of curiosity. That  when a boy breaks her heart she recovers quickly because she knew how to guard it.  That she is not afraid to cry.  That she is not afraid to dance.  That she is not afraid.

What made this moment life changing?  I realized that I can not give this sweet little one what I do not have.  That my influence in her life, for a time, will be the most important. . and I do not want to mess this up.   Therefore, my journey has begun, too.  My journey of facing my fears, learning to be okay with who I am, embracing my flaws, laughing at myself, and learning to slow down.  Oh, how I want to do this well.  How I long to show her that a life lived with passion is a life lived well.  

I had no idea that motherhood would challenge me so.  Would force me to step out and continue to grow and change in ways that are not always easy.   I’ve known this little girl for less than three years and I am amazed at the way this little life has so drawn me in to a worId I had forgotten.  A world where now is all we have. . . so let’s play.  

 A world where it is vitally important that My Little Pony’s curls are just perfect.

 A world where painting in the lines doesn’t matter.

 A world where laughter and silliness are the most important things.

 A world where getting your picture taken is a time to smile, instead of hide.

I have not arrived. . . Actually, I am far from it. I am thankful that each new day is an opportunity to teach, by example, what it means to embrace this life.  What I would have never guessed on that beautiful October day over two years ago, is that this little girl had so much to teach me.