The Girls

“The girls have a doctor’s appointment on Saturday.” 

As soon as I spoke the words to Chad my heart jumped a little.  “The girls”.  It was the first time I used the phrase and you know what? I liked it.

I’ve always enjoyed hearing friends refer to their kids as “the girls” or “the boys”. There is something very, well, sweet about the grouping together.  I can still hear my Mom and Dad referring to my sister and I as “the girls” or “you girls”.  It never bothered me to be coupled with my sister.  Frankly, it just felt right. 

And here I am years later uttering the same phrase. . . The girls. . .  

Just over a month later it’s still hard to believe. . .I am the Mommy of not just one, but two, little girls. 

The weight of the responsibility is enormous.  (Please don’t hear me wrong.  My role in Charlie’s life is very important. In fact, it’s vital.  However, I know that the most important influencer and role model in his life will be Chad.)  For the girls (there it is again. . . “the girls”) my role is important in a different and profound way.

I was recently sorting through a stack of books in my bedroom and came across one titled, Why A Daughter Needs A Mom.  I don’t think I bought the book and I’m not really sure where it came from, though I suspect it was one of my Mom’s.  At first I didn’t want to open it, fearful that it might hurt to face what I no longer have.  But, after several weeks of avoidance I began thumbing through it’s pages and found the words written inside to be refreshingly beautiful. 

As I read through the pages I thought about my girls.  I thought about the years we have ahead of us and and the experiences they might have.  I thought about the hopes I have for them and the lessons I want to teach them.  I thought about the shield of protection I want to put around them.  I reflected on how I can encourage them to see life as beautiful and to see who they are as beautiful.  I wondered how I might help them to be excited by life rather than fearful of it. 

Oh man, I thought about so many things. But more than anything, you know what I thought about?   I thought about how I might help them be fully who they were created to be.

I believe that will be a discovery they make, in part, on their own.  However, I do believe I play a role. What words can I say?  What wisdom can I impart to help them understand that they are perfect just as they are?  What lesson will be the one that communicates to them that they truly are enough? 

 As much as I love words, I realize they are often just that. . . words.  As their Mom my words will mean little. . .  but my actions?  The way I live my life?  The way I follow my dreams?  The way I live courageously? The way I accept myself?  The way I accept others?  The way I accept them. . .
 

I believe those things matters.  I think what I model will does matter.

 At 33 years old, I’m further on this journey than I’ve ever been.  The last few years have been transforming in the way I see myself and how I see the world.  I live differently than I did a few years ago.  I’m a little braver.  A little more confident.  And far more forgiving of my faults. No, I have not arrived, but I think if’ I’ve leaned anything over the last several years it’s that life is a journey of discovery and not a destination marked “Perfection”. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I long for my girls to embrace themselves as they are.  To walk confidently with a quiet knowing that I am enough.  Therefore, my journey must continue.  The journey toward “enoughness”.  Accepting myself as I am.  Embracing my flaws not as flaws, but as uniqueness.  Cultivating a sense of humor and a lightness about life.  And focusing my eyes not on the barriers in the world, but on the beauty. 

Maybe I’m naive, but I strongly believe that who I am as their Mom will greatly impact who they become as women.  And in the deepest part of my heart I know Chanelle and Meadow are meant to shine like stars, because really. . .