On Girlfriends. . .

Just over a week ago my alarm sounded after just over an hour of sleep.  It was 2 a.m. and my limo (read: Chad) was going to drive me to the airport at 3 a.m. Certainly, I could have gotten a good 5 or six hours of sleep, but instead I laid awake for hours with my mind whirling with anxious thoughts and trying so hard to come up with an excuse why it would not be a good idea for me to leave home and fly to Mexico for several days.

You see, I have this bad habit–a very bad habit.  I make plans and try to pretend that I’m the fly by the seat of my pants, crazy adventurer, and fearless explorer-type, when really I’m more like a 6-year old in a 36-year old body who likes routine, predictability, and familiarity.

I want to be the cool, adventurous type–I’m just not.

In the days leading up to what most would consider an awesome opportunity, my mind utilized it’s ‘active’ imagination and built a case as to why I shouldn’t go.  What if the plane goes down?  What if Chanelle loses her tooth?  What if they kids can’t survive without me? Seriously?  What if the plane goes down??  What if the kids learn that they don’t really need me?  In my minds eye, I saw another (faceless) woman raising my kids, because certainly droves of women would line up to marry my most excellent husband.  (Don’t let that one go to your head, Chad–I’m still here.)

Anyway, I cried for days in anticipation and pleaded and attempted to bargain my way out of the trip. (Because, certainly, a trip to Cabo is such a terrible thing, right?)

I have mentioned I can be quite irrational and emotional?

Deep down, I tried to rationalize with myself.  I tried, I really did.  I attempted pep talks about the good time I was going to have and how great it would be to spend time with my friends.  There was even a part of me that knew how silly I sounded and how I would laugh at myself later.  I know I heard those whisperings from way down deep.  However, the other part of me, the one that is loud stubborn and neurotic was easily able to ignore that still small voice.

Chad and I loaded everything in the car just before 3 a.m. and in a sleepy fog, he drove the tearful mess that was me the two hours to the airport.  (Truly, the man deserves an award.) Not only do I have an active imagination, I have the gift of persistence.  During our drive, I took any opportunity I could to get Chad to miss my flight.  Why don’t we stop here and watch the sunrise?  Your mom is sick, what if your Dad gets sick?  I should stay home to watch the kids.  Do you really want to raise the kids by yourself?  The plane could go down.  

I know, I know, I’m pathetic.

The thing is, I knew I would go.  I knew I wouldn’t turn back.  I knew I had to follow through because I had told Charlie and Chanelle that I was going because I was afraid to go. I told them how great it would feel when I overcome my fear.  I told them that I wanted to be an example for them–an example of not being controlled by our fears.

 (I won’t lie, though, I did berate myself for trying to turn everything into a teachable moment.)

There was no turning back.

But here is the thing.  My plane took off and I met my dear friend Malissa in Atlanta.  From Atlanta she and I flew to Cabo where we were greeted by my other dear friend, Kylee. (aka: Two Pretzels.) Shortly after that, our lovely friend Anna arrived.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, all fears and anxieties melted away (no, it wasn’t the heat) and the purpose of this trip changed dramatically. What began as a trip of overcoming fear and spending time with friends, became something so much more.

Over the years I had forgotten how important it is to shed the label of ‘Mom’ or ‘Photographer’ and all other labels and just be ‘Summer’.  I had forgotten how important it is to slow down and just be.  I had forgotten that during my college years, the definition of ‘family’ had expanded to include these lives who shared tiny dorm rooms with me.  I had forgotten that despite the years and miles, the ties that bind us become thicker over time.

Photo Credit: Kylee’s wonderful husband, Craig.

I came home from this trip better because my soul was filled.  All that I had forgotten melted away and my soul was revived and filled with gratitude for these women who have walked through so much of life alongside me.

I pray for friendships like this for my own kids. . . I pray for friendships like this for everyone.

And when I landed at the airport at midnight several days later, my soul filled and my heart bursting with gratitude, I was a better version of myself when I greeted my three little ones.

Soul food.  Yes, soul food.

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In order to lessen the blow of Mommy leaving for a few days, we planned a small getaway upon my return home.  We didn’t do anything big, just that thing our family does. . .

We explored. . .

We spent time in this lovely park in Pittsburgh and enjoyed the scenery and the budding of Spring. . .

Hotel pools. . . very similar to the ocean view in Cabo. (Not really, but still fun.)

And more exploring. . .

More food for my soul.  For our soul.

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I hope my kids remember that I took this trip, in spite of my fears.  I hope they remember that, in the end, the risk is always worth it.  And even if they don’t remember?  I will.  I will always remember–Girlfriends are important.

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One last note–to all of you who read my last post about my Mom.  Thank you.  Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.  Thank you for allowing me to grieve and for grieving with me.  I’m not sure my Mom would recognize the person I’ve become today, but I do believe she would be proud.

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Wishing you a lovely, lovely day. . .