“I think it might be time to hang up Running Chatter “, I said to Chad early last week.
Why would you do that? he asked.
I had a million excuses. I don’t blog as much as I used to, I told him. Life is too busy. I’m not sure it matters. I’m lost.
Don’t give it up, he responded quickly. It’s a phase, he encouraged, you do it for the kids, for our family. It matters to us.
I chewed on these thoughts for several days. I reflected on the days when I raced to my computer at night, spewing my thoughts and our experiences out with an urgency that matched fire fighters racing toward a burning building. The days when I would marinate on every thought and every experience and soak in the meaning and the depth of life. I remembered back to the days when the keyboard and the blank Blogger screen were as important as a weekly appointment with a therapist.
It was a simpler day when time was more abundant.
I never imagined when I first began writing in Running Chatter that it would guide me down a road into an entirely new career. I never imagined the people I would meet and the way my life would change. In those days, I sought healing after losing my Mom and found a great big appreciation for the beauty of the simple moments in life.
Recently, I’ve lost my footing. Much like when I’m running on the side of the road and a car drives toward me and I push myself to the very edge to make enough room for both of us. From time to time it’s inevitable–my left foot slips off the road and falls into the berm. (That’s what we call the very edge of the road in Ohio.) For a few moments my arms flail and I work hard to find balance as my feet attempt to find the pavement again. It may take a few paces and I’m a bit shaken, but eventually, I find my footing again and pick up where I left off. That’s what’s happened, I think. I’ve lost my footing with Running Chatter and I’m trying to find it again.
Running Chatter is important to me. It has always been very important to me. It is our story, what will be our history, our memories. I’ve always hoped that, one day, my little ones will look back at these stories and remember all the good, real, and even the ugly moments of our life and feel gratitude. Writing it down always fills me with gratitude.
Running Chatter gave birth to SummerK Photography and began an entirely new journey in our life.
Suddenly I felt, as Chad called it, “split personality”. Running Chatter is, as anyone who has spent time in this space knows, “me”. Running Chatter is who I am and who our family is. It’s the good stuff and the not so good. Running Chatter is the mayo in the cupboard and the eggs boiled without water and the arriving late for preschool graduation. Running Chatter is our story.
SummerK, however, is a business. SummerK is professional, steady, on the ball, and most certainly would never boil eggs without water in the pan or find an open jar of mayo in the pantry.
Some days the lines feel blurred. Some days I’m not sure which one I am. Which one I should be.
Everybody is original, if {she} tells the truth, if {she} speaks from {herself}. But it must be from {her}true self and not from the self {she} thinks {she} should be. . . no individual is exactly like any other individual, that no two identical persons have ever existed. Consequently, if you speak or write from yourself you cannot help being original.
In my head I fear the question. . . How can a mother of three who boiled eggs without water and put open mayo in the pantry take beautiful pictures for us?
Running Chatter vs. SummerK
I wanted to hide.
I am better because of each and every one of you.
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While I continue to find my footing, a few more pictures for your Friday. . .
The time change has been awesome. Not only is the clock in the middle of small town next to us finally correct, we have more light. . .
And this one. . .
We have gotten small tastes of Spring (despite that it was snowing this morning) I’m certain, Spring is coming. . .
Chad and Charlie are still crazy. . .
Chanelle and Meadow are still. . . this. . .
And simply writing it down ravages my heart with gratitude. . .
No, I’m not hanging it up.
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Have a wonderful weekend, Friends.
Gasp.
There are so many moments throughout this whole post that I gasped.
The images — which, by the way, I feel as if I should be paying you to see… are incredible. EACH ONE. The angle, the composition, the emotion…
I also gasped at the light – whoa. (We still haven't changed time here – you'll be 3 hours off when you visit.)
And I also gasped and smiled when you said, "I'm a photographer."
YES. YOU ARE.
YAY. YAY. YAY. A few years ago, I'm pretty certain you would have never hung that title on your back. I'm so glad you have.
**
As far as the blog goes, I go through this, too. However, the duality of both spaces (Running Chatter and SummerK) has got to be overwhelming at times… and a grey area. I like the idea that your HEART and your imperfections stay here; your professional stays there.
I love and support you in everything – especially in blog breaks. 🙂
Kylee, I am forever indebted to you.
Thank you for always being there. . .
Thank you.
Keep writing friend
Thank you, Joni.
I will.
Speechless.. as usual. …amazing! Forever stunned by your work, words and talent. ….
Forever grateful for the times you stop by here and share your words.
Thank you.
i totally get it summer. we ALL fall off (or get pushed off sometimes even) the side of the road. that's what makes me come here over and over. because you're just like all of the rest of us imperfect, left the beans burning on the stove women and moms. and i think that's the beauty – the art – that you can see the beauty and the good and find the magic in the golden hour. both of those exist in you. and that's the hope you share – that it can exist in all of us. you'll find your footing. hang in there.
Kelly, Thank you for these kind words. You have been such and encouragement and inspiration to me through the years and I am so very glad our paths have crossed. Thank you so much.
Summer – just want to echo what others have said that you have and continue to bless our lives through your blog, your photos and by sharing your family with us. You are a multi-faceted individual and each facet is an integral part that is needed to complete the whole – to make the tapestry of your life such an amazing, beautiful treasure. You have been such a blessing in my life as you have shared and been willing to share even those times when things may not be perfect – it's hard to let down our guard and allow others to see all of us and not just the "perfect" parts of our lives. Sometimes we encounter circumstances that cause us to be pushed off the path onto that berm and we fight to get back onto firm footing – sometimes the words the Lord speaks to us throughout the circumstances of our lives flow freely and we share those truths with others then there are times when the Lord speaks to us but He tells us to just meditate on those words until He wants us to share them and His words flow freely. Summer your blog and your photos are gifts to you, your family and to others and they will ebb and flow – sometimes easier to grasp and sometimes not so easy. You are such a blessing – Barb
Barb, you leave me speechless with these words.
From the bottom of my heart–thank you. Thank you for always, always cheering me (and our family) along.
You are an inspiration, friend. As both Running Chatter and Summer K…in all your perfection and imperfection.
I don't always comment, but I always love reading your insights.
And of course the photography is stunning!
AKDS
Anna,
Thank you. I so appreciate when you comment and the way you have come along side me as both SummerK and Running Chatter.
Thank you for being such a faithful friend.
Summer-
Of all the blogs I follow, yours is one of my faves. Not only because of your authenticity, but also because of your breathtaking photography. I get the sense like you don't understand just how good of a photographer you are! And, you may not know it, but you inspire me to be a better photographer, and I often pick up compositional tricks from looking at your blog. If you were to stop Running Chatter, I would still follow you on SummerK, but I like the personal side here. I relate to you in so many ways; this is a nice thing to find in the blogosphere. So, I hope you keep going here, but if not, I would understand. Life is busy and complicated. Just know how much you sharing your world with us out here matters!
Karen,
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your words. Thank you for taking the time to speak such encouragement (as you have done so many times) into my life. You words mean so much to me and I am so grateful that our virtual paths have crossed.
I could have written this myself. I started a blog and then it led to a photography career and then I wanted to "be good" but sometimes I just want to be that mom who pulls out her iphone {or even her giant camera} and just take a snapshot and not always have to be the photographer. I went back and forth for a while but I finally came to the conclusion that I was just doing this for my family…in fact now i'm private and I enjoy it…but I hope you stay open 😉 You have a wonderful talent and I love being able to follow along.
Hannah, Thank you for stopping by and for making me feel not so strange for feeling this way. I am greatly encouraged by your words and if feels so good to know someone gets it the way that you do. I'm glad you found a happy place for you and I feel encouraged to keep this space trust that process along the way.
Many, many thanks for your encouraging words, Hannah.
Summer, I check in once in a while, but I've had trouble keeping up with blogs the way I used to before I got sick. I'm oh-so-much-better now. And although I don't visit as often, I always remember you and what a wonderful photographer and storyteller you are. You must do what YOU must do, but I would hope you'd continue this part that is so personal. Your children are always delightful and that Meadow … well, she is just growing up so fast and her golden hair has gotten so long.
Just an aside, I'm planning to walk the Colorado Trail this summer. 486 miles! I kicked Leukemia's butt, for sure. 🙂
Thank you, Lissa. I appreciate your words very much.
And Lissa? I am SO SO SO happy for you and thrilled that you kicked Leukehmia's butt. What an adventure you will have this summer! Such a wonderful experience to celebrate your strength and endurance.