Now

“Chanelle, go take a shower.”
“Charlie, you can’t wear a ripped shirt.”
“Can I watch t.v.?”
“No, you can’t watch t.v.”
“Meadow, why do you smell like syrup?
“Meadow has syrup in her hair!”
“Chanelle, get dressed!”
Fifteen minutes later, I look up to see Chanelle standing at the of the stairs wrapped in a towel.
“CHANELLE GET DRESSED!”
“I don’t want to wear tights”
“Chanelle, you have to wear tights, it’s freezing cold outside”
“Can I wear leggings?
“You don’t have leggings to match that dress.”
“Can I wear another dress?”
“No, you don’t have shoes to match another dress. Just put that dress on.”
“I don’t want to wear tights.”
“It’s one morning, just put them on.”
“I don’t want to wear tights.”
“CHANELLE! GET DRESSED WE HAVE TO LEAVE IN TEN MINUTES.”

“Shoot, where are Meadow’s shoes? Meadow where are your shoes?”
“I can just wear these” she says pointing to her tennis shoes.
“Let’s go guys–load up.”
(25 minute drive)

“Mommy, Chanelle won’t share the crayons. CHANELLE give me a crayon!
“Mommy, I want to color!”
“I’m hungry.”
“Mommy, I dropped my crayon. Can I have my crayon?”
“Look Mommy–it’s your favorite color!”
“Mommy, Chanelle has my book!”
“I’m bored. I want a book.”
“That’s my book!”

Chad to me: Do you want to stop and get a coffee before church?
Me to Chad: YES.

I step out of the car into the cool morning air and closed the door behind me. My ears are greeted with a different kind of noise–a quiet noise. Cars speed by, people chatter, doors opening and closing. There is noise, but it’s so different than the constant chatter of three little ones who seemingly compete for The Loudest Strongest Voice title.

I grab my coffee and stand in line while enjoying the small slice of silence that has met my ears and notice the older gentleman in front of me look out the window and glance toward me and back out the window again before commenting. . .

That must be you out there–the car with the kids.I follow his gaze and see Chad sitting in the car (looking exhausted) with three very animated little ones.

Yes, those are mine.The gentleman smiles knowingly and comments, so you really need that coffee.I laughed and nodded, Yes, coffee is a pretty important part of my day. He smiled at me and looked back toward the car and looked me in the eye before saying, I’ve been there. I remember those days. And as I waited for the token “enjoy these days they go quickly” he surprised me. . . don’t worry, he said, they grow up and move out.

I laughed and enjoyed the last few seconds of silence before entering the chaos of our vehicle on what was a very typical (exhausting) Sunday morning. Let’s face it, it’s the chaos of every morning. Every day. Every night.

I’ve thought about that conversation throughout this week. When things are crazy and three voices are competing for my attention. I’ve thought about it as I’ve attempted to make dinner, practice spelling words, edit pictures, stop Meadow from eating her napkin, return emails, pack lunches and have a halfway decent phone conversation. I’ve thought about what it would feel like to have the sounds inside the walls of our home silenced. I’ve wondered what it will feel like when high pitched voices aren’t constantly competing for my attention. I’ve thought about what it will feel like to not have endless laundry, fingerprints all over our windows and appliances, footprints covering our floor, and random toys littering at least one spot in each room of our house.

Don’t worry, they grow up and move out.

They do. They grow up and they move out. Before I know it, one by one, they will make their way into the world and these will be beautiful memories. And as exhausting as these days are, I don’t want to speed these days up. I want to experience them, live them, soak them in for all the goodness that they carry. I want to feel the exhaustion and the frustration. I want to dive head first into the challenges and the chaos. I want to work through the bad days and celebrate the good ones. I want to go to bed each evening so utterly exhausted that I’m certain I can’t do it again tomorrow–only to find that yes, I can.

I want to be right here, right now and I don’t want to wish these days away. I want to enjoy this season before we move onto the next. I’m not looking for a fast forward button to jump to the day when we have three spare bedrooms nor am I looking for a rewind to transport us back to midnight feedings and sleepless nights. When I am really honest with myself, I am keenly aware that the most important time is right now.

This is the only place I want to be. . .

I want to see and experience the joy when Daddy comes home from work. . .

I want to witness and feel the JOY when big bro and sis come home from school. . .

I want to celebrate the discovery of stray kittens. . .

And more stray kittens. . .

I want to see the sister bond of today and watch what it will become tomorrow. . .

I want to watch Charlie become more and more who he is. . .

I want to laugh about and celebrate Meadow’s eccentricities. . .

I want to watch Chanelle own herself. . .

(Or at least her hair). . .

I want all of this because this is where we are right now. Sandwiched between insane Sunday mornings, crazy chaotic nights and all the moments in between is the most wonderful gift–the gift of now.

That’s where I want to be. Not back there or up there. I just want right now, because even if on some days I’m merely surviving “now”. . .