Time

We were getting ready to begin the (hour long) process of getting Meadow to go to sleep for the night.  Charlie and Chanelle were already in bed and I laid Meadow down on the living room floor to change her diaper.  As I took the diaper off, I noticed that it was very light in weight and commented out loud to no one in particular, wow, Meadow, you’re dry. 

Chad was in my office and immediately called out, Really?!  That diaper was on her before her bath, he informed me.  Let’s see if we can get her to go on the potty.  (Because when you have a two year old the toilet is called “Potty”.)  I picked Meadow up and quickly rushed her to the bathroom as if she were a bomb ready to blow.  Chad, Meadow and I crowded into the bathroom and and waited.

Do you want us to leave? we asked her.

She shook her head no.

Do you want to go potty? we asked her. 

She shook her head no. 

We offered a bribe.  If you go potty we will let you stay up and make some popcorn.  (I know, I should totally write a parenting book.) Do you want to go potty?

This time she nodded her head. 

We waited. 

Nothing.

Do you want us to leave? 

A nod of the head.

Chad and I filed out of the bathroom and closed the door.  I knelt down to the floor and placed my ear close to the door and listened.  In a matter of seconds I heard a faint sound of a trickling stream. . . for the first time ever.

She’s going! I whispered to Chad.  She’s going!!
His equally excited voice responded, Really?!

We waited a few seconds before opening the door and confirming Meadow’s success.  We yelled and screamed and celebrated.  I grabbed her sweet cheeks and kissed her again and again while Chad called upstairs to Charlie and Chanelle, Meadow went potty!  Meadow went potty!

Suddenly footsteps were behind me and big brother and sister had joined the celebrations.  Good Job, Meadow’s, were issued and hurray’s were called out.  Charlie grabbed a phone to text Chad’s parent’s the news while I sent the news to my family.  Somewhere during the celebrations Chanelle disappeared and reappeared with a sticker in hand.  I watched as she placed the sticker on Meadow’s shirt and Meadow stood tall and proud.  I heard the sounds of Chad preparing popcorn in the kitchen as I watched Meadow show off her sticker to anyone who would notice. 

And like a giant wave crashing into the ocean shore, it hit me. . . we are toeing the line of a new phase. 

It’s true, in the midst of our celebrations I shed a few tears.  The realization hit me with so much force and with such surprise, that I needed a moment to catch my breath. 

Our baby?  She’s no longer a baby.  We are on the edge of a new season and I can’t help but ask, how did we get here?

 

Every now and then I am reminded of those early days with Meadow.  The days that seemed to go on forever and ever and ever.  The days when not sleeping was far more familiar than sleeping.  They days when I was certain I would not survive.

And yet, here we are.  Slowly but surely stepping out of one stage and entering into a new one.  It’s bitter and it’s sweet all balled up and squished into one big mess. 

And it happened in a blink of an eye.

Don’t hear me wrong.  I don’t want to stop this process.  Truly, I don’t even want to slow it down.  I believe that with each passing year, our joy will only increase.  The experiences that lie ahead will unfold in a beautiful (not perfect) way.  I anticipate that the fabric of our family will constantly be changing–while the foundation stays the same. 

What strikes me when these little big milestones come our way is just how much I don’t want to miss these years.  I am struck with the realization that this is the only chance I have to be the Mama of a 2 year old and a 6 year old and an 8 year old, all at the same time.  I am often guilty of being distracted with my own thoughts, aspirations, and tasks that the simple everyday beauty of being the Mom of a 2, 6, and 8 year old is lost in the chaos of life. 

I wish I had answers.  Answers to, ‘Can I have it all?’ or ‘Can I do it all?’  Truth is, I do have answers.  No, I can’t have it all and no I can’t do it all.  So I continue the tug of war of give and take and hold on and let go. 

I have not found the balance yet.  Honestly, I’m not sure I ever will.  I guess what I know for sure, though.  The one thing that I am absolutely certain about. . .

I will never, ever regret a moment taken to spend with them. 

Maybe it’s really that simple.

Maybe?

“But there is something about Time. The sun rises and sets. The stars
swing slowly across the sky and fade. Clouds fill with rain and snow,
empty themselves, and fill again. The moon is born, and dies, and is
reborn. Around millions of clocks swing hour hands, and minute hands,
and second hands. Around goes the continual circle of the notes of the
scale. Around goes the circle of night and day, the circle of weeks
forever revolving, and of months, and of years.”

―
Madeleine L’Engle