-Louise Gluck
I was looking forward to writing about my observations this week and was preparing to write when I happened upon the above quote. The words gave me pause and made me sad. Why can’t both of my girls be dancers?
Of course I realize that one published quote doesn’t necessarily make a sentiment true, but still, it got me thinking. Does one have to dance while the other watches?
One of the greatest joys I have every day is watching these two together. Even 15 months into this sisterhood, I am still amazed at the innate love and care my girls seem to have for each other. Chanelle is so quick to attend to any need Meadow has. And Meadow is equally quick to depend on Chanelle’s generosity. I notice that, for the most part, they prefer to be together. And when they are together the joy is multiplied.
I wish you could have been here this week and witnessed the things that I witnessed. Like when Chanelle woke up Tuesday morning and saw the snow quickly replacing the green grass and declared, I think I want to wear a dress today.However, Girlfriend wasn’t talking about just any dress, she was pulling out summer’s best. . .
I stood back and watched as my girls worked together to find just the right accessories for their outfits. I took in the scene and listened to their chatter and repeated that prayer that I so often say. . . let them always be close.
Chad and I are so often captivated as we watch this sister bond that unfolds with absolutely no prompting from us. Is this for real?
It is real and truly, it’s one of the most incredible things I’ve ever witnessed. I think that’s why the quote about dancers and watches so bothered me. I like that my girls are moving forward together. . . I don’t want it to change.
Chad came into the room while I was pondering all of this and we had the following conversation. . .
Me: (after reciting the quote): I don’t like that quote. It makes me sad. Who says one has to be a watcher? Why can’t they both be dancers?
Chad: (shakes his head at me in disagreement): What’s wrong with being a watcher? he asked me.
Me: Why would we not want them both to dance? Why would we not encourage that? I want our girls to dance.
Chad: (in his ever so gentle way confronted my thinking): The world needs watchers, too, Summer. We can’t all be dancers.
Chad went on with a half-joking philosophical explanation about how there are the dancers and there are also those who provide the music. . . people like him. And even though he was half-joking, there was wisdom behind it. We all have our gifts and our offerings in the world and while some are center stage, others are in the background. One is not better than the other, and both are necessary.
When it comes down to it, I know that it is far too early to tell if these sisters will be dancers or if they will be watchers. We could have two of the same or one of each. I have no idea. I guess what I now realize is that, in the end, those things really don’t matter.
What is important is that they (and I) accept each other and love each other for who they are. This sister-bond that has begun at such a young age will carry them through the times when they can’t stand their mom, when they don’t want mom, when they need a shoulder who knows what it’s like to have me as a Mom and for that day when Mom is no longer there.
My heart is filled with anticipation to watch this relationship grow. To watch them grow separately and together will be so much fun to watch.
Dancers or watchers. . . those are just details. The important thing is and my prayer for them is. . . that they walk the journey together. . .
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| This happened after picking Chanelle up from preschool. . . they remained this way for the 15 minute drive home. |
flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you...”
-Gorge R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
Hi! I'm a new reader. I also happen to have 2 girls and a boy. The thing that stuck in my head when I read this was, but why can't they switch. I know as I watch my children they seem to rotate what "role" my brain wants to classify them as based on what they are learning at the moment or one of a host of other things that influence them. One that was "the shy one" will now talk to anyone (or anything 🙂 ). One that used to be the "brave" one now needs more reassurances. I know I'm trying to have faith that they can be what the others need as time passes and will all have time "in the spotlight" so to speak, while the others play that watching, supportive role.
Hi Gretch! Thank you for stopping by for for letting me know you're here. Yes, I agree with you. . . I think they (and their roles) will change. As I thought through this last night I think I realized that I can't put any of them (all three of them) in a box. I also think that "to dance" doesn't necessarily have to be dancing in center stage. . . maybe some will dance in their own way and own time. I don't know, I'm thinking this one through. I LOVE what you said about their roles switching and really, evolving over time. I guess that is what we all do, isn't it?
Maybe they will be both dancers and watchers……..what a wonderful blog.
I think that is an excellent thought.
. . . and thank you. . .
Hello Summer. I've been reading your blog (silently) for about five or six months now and I just want to say what a beautiful family you have and thank you for putting your words and pictures up for others to enjoy. I just wanted to let you know that the quote you listed above with your explanation really got to me this morning. I don't have any sisters, instead I have four brothers and though we are all older now (between the ages of 18 and 28), I think you hit it right on the nail when you said everyone has their own gifts that they bring to the world. My brothers and I are nothing alike and sometimes we are eerily alike (funny how that works) and that is ok. We were blessed enough to be raised by parents who never compared any of us to the other(s) and always loved us no matter what and I think you and your husband are doing the same with your three. And the bond between your two youngest? There are four, five and seven years between me and my younger three brothers and even though we are different and have different personalities, we are all pretty close and we support each other. That was a bond that started when they were younger (although by the time my youngest brother came along I begged my mom to send it back for a girl. #toomanyboys) and it's carried us through childhood and teenage years and now into college hood. And I think it will be the same for your three.
Enjoy your Saturday and I hope you have a blessed weekend. Thank you again for your gifts of language and pictures.
-Samantha
Hi Samantha,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you–like you and your (multitude of) brothers we are all so different and yet so similar, aren't we? I think the most important thing I (we) can do is accept and appreciate who each individual is without any expectation of an outcome. Isn't that how we grow? Such lovely thoughts, Samantha. It sounds like you come from a wonderful family. I appreciate you stopping by and letting me know you are reading. . . I love to hear other perspectives, which helps to balance my own.
Many blessings to you, as well.
-Summer