It’s Okay

I awoke early this morning.  It wasn’t the sound of my alarm that woke me, but the constant hum that is present in my brain.  Before my eyes opened I heard it. . . clean kitchen floor for showing tomorrow, edit photos, study for exam, email so and so and so and so, write thank you note, vaccuum house for showing, send thank you notes, go to the bank, spend quality time with kids, set up meeting with so and so, text so and so, go to the grocery so the fridge is holding more than skim milk, Mt. Dew and hotdogs. . . to name a few. 

Side note:  You know that thing people say about wearing clean underwear in case you get into an accident?  I tend to be more concerned about my refrigerator. Seriously, if I get into an accident and wake up in the hospital I think the first thing I will say is, no one went into our fridge did they?  I’d be so embarrassed if anyone saw that contents of our fridge could be kept in a midsize cooler. 

Back to the hum in my brain.  As soon as I heard it this morning I opened one eye and glanced at the clock. . . 4:35.  I quickly debated in my head–how much of my list can I complete before the kids wake up?  I laid in the darkness and weighed the cost and benefits of starting the day early to get ahead.  Would it be worth it?

I know we all have it.  We all have this mental checklist we are working through each day. It’s a fact of life, right? But as I laid in the darkness this morning all I could think was. . . what happened?  What happened to the girl that learned how to be in the moment?  The girl that learned to slow down?  The girl that understood the preciousness of these days?  You see, when I began writing in the space, shortly after my Mom died, I got it.  I got that every moment was a gift and, oh my, I didn’t want to miss it.  But somewhere along the way I lost it.  Somewhere, I moved from living back into surviving.

I need to find that again.  To get back to the basics of slowing down and being more than just present, but offering my presence.  Right now, I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to get there in the midst of everything going on, but tonight was a good start.

After Meadow woke up from her nap I loaded the girls in the car and hit the road.  The three of us traveled to a local park where we settled in and breathed deep the crisp cool air. 

Moments of peace and quiet were intermixed with sounds of laughter and the chatter of tiny voices.  We walked a little, played several rounds of hide-and-seek, and dug in the dirt. . .

But mostly, we just enjoyed being together. . .

This was food for my weary and restless soul.  Stepping away from the “list” that continuously invades my mind was exactly what I needed.  As the girls and I walked back to the car I looked down at my little girl skipping happily beside me and I urged myself to remember, this is what matters. 

Tonight I am reminding myself that it’s okay to leave things undone.  It’s okay if the list is ticked away slowly.  Just as I would not starve myself of proper nourishment, I also can’t starve myself of taking in these precious days with my little ones.

It’s okay to breathe.
It’s okay to rest.
It’s okay to wait until tomorrow.

It’s okay.  It’s okay.

In other happenings. . .

We took the kids on a much anticipated trip to Toys R Us over the weekend.  Perhaps this is something that most families do on a semi-regular basis. . . not us.  We are quite certain that Charlie and Chanelle equate Toys are Us with Disney World.  They could barely contain themselves after learning they would have an opportunity to spend some birthday money at this special store. 

Chad and I predicted ahead of time exactly how this would go. . . and we were right.

Chanelle scanned the store and in 15 minutes she had her items selected.

Charlie, on the other hand, evaluated. . .

Agonized. . .

And deliberated between each and every item. . .

Our poor boy is his parents child.  If you saw him in the store you might think that selecting a toy is a punishment.  Making a decision produces much the same reaction as getting a shot. . . it’s torture.

Finally, TWO hours later we made our way out the door with two happy kids.

Well, three happy kids is more like it.

There is so much more I could go into right now, but it’s late and bed is calling.  I guess what I’m realizing is that this is just life.  The ebbs and flows that exist in my head are no different than the ebbs and flows that exist in our home.  Sometimes, there is peace and quiet and calm.

And other times there is complete chaos. . .

What I realized today is that the balance has been tipped too far in one direction.  I’m on a mission to find the calm again.  I know there are some things I can’t control. . . the ongoing list will always be there.  However, tonight I realized how important it is to step away and and take in the simple  moments that really do matter. 

I’m certain I will never regret that.

Have a wonderful weekend, Friends.