During the final moments of the evening, I lay in Chanelle’s bed with my 4 and 6 year old nestled on either side of me. Tonight I could tell that Chanelle was extra tired as she buried her blonde locks as close to me as she could so even the tiniest light couldn’t pass through us. As I read the final page of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore’s adventure and prepared for my departure, she draped her arm over my body, tempting me to stay. I snuggled in close and whispered my good night, I love you so much Chanelle, and kissed her warm forehead. Charlie and I climbed down her loft and before parting ways his little arms reached around me for his goodnight. I pulled his head close to me and repeated my, I love you, for Charlie. I stole a kiss on the top of his head, because at six years old, the only kisses you get are the stolen kind. As I quietly closed their door, I stepped out into the darkened hallway and for a moment, I paused. In that moment, I inhaled deeply and instantly I felt my body release the tension it had been carrying.
These little people. . . they ground me.
I’m headed back to work next week and I am holding on, with white knuckle grip, to each of these remaining days before I return. It probably sounds silly, I’m only going to be working one day a week (I salute you Mommies that work full time. . . I’m pretty sure I would have a nervous breakdown or would misplace at least one of my kids if I even attempted such a feat), but I am grieving the end of this time at home. As I was driving home from seeing my supervisor yesterday I found myself thinking well, I guess it’s back to the Real World. But as soon as I recognized the thought I stopped it.
The Real World? Um, Summer, this is the real world.
This Mommy-thing. . . it’s the real deal and on a night like this, I know I have the best job in the world. It’s like having a front row seats to a concert of your favorite band or better yet. . .backstage passes. Here I sit and I watch these little people that once fit in my forearm become bigger little people who light up a room simply by their presence.
And as I’ve spent the last three months being only their Mom, I’ve found out that being their Mom is enough.
Today, I stole away to a corner and just watched my baby sleeping. I tuned my ears into her rhythmic snoring as she swayed back and forth in her swing, while my eyes traced the delicateness of her soft feet.
Later, I watched as Charlie let go of his “I’m too cool for pictures” attitude and revealed a true smile the produced flip flops in my stomach.
And if Charlie produces flip flops, Chanelle melts my heart. She came into the kitchen while I was making Charlie’s lunch for school tomorrow. When she saw me reach for the napkin (on which I have begun writing notes or drawing pictures for Charlie) she asked if she could write on the napkin.
This was an obviously top secret mission and she went to great lengths to be sure that he did not come near the premises. He will be surprised, she reported. I write about this now, but I’m quite sure I won’t forget this moment. . . How do you spell “love”, Mommy? I want him to know I love him. Her excitement about placing this napkin in his lunch was equal to that of Christmas morning.
And in this moment, I realize that the real world isn’t somewhere out there at a certain job or in a certain place or with a particular title. For me, in this season, the real world is here in front of me, right where I am.
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| Chanelle’s debut photo |
As I paused outside of their room tonight I was reminded of the gift this parenting thing is. Sometimes, it easy for me to get lost in the responsibility of teaching them the details like ABCs or shoe tying. Isn’t it my job to teach them about the real world? To teach them what life is really all about? Yet in the quiet that filled my soul as my hand released their door knob tonight, I realized how much they are teaching me about the important things. I mean, the really important things.
Tonight, my heart is thankful.
The Real World, Summer? Yep, you’re already in it.
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I also want to say a big thank you to my newest followers! You guys are awesome. All of you are. Unless you are a fellow blogger you might not understand the momentum it is to know that people are reading. THANK YOU for letting me know you are reading. Really. . . Thank you.
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It’s Friday, Friends. Have a wonderful weekend!!!
So beautiful, Summer. Best wishes on your return to work.
I love your comment on teaching them real life. I went through the frustration of not being able to spend as much time teaching them 'educational' things after V was born. I felt like I wasn't doing a good job because I wasn't practicing letters and numbers with E or reading and math with S. But then, one day, I heard them talking to V, telling them how much they loved him and it hit me. It didn't matter if we took a short hiatus from 'educational' things…I was teaching them how to love someone. I was teaching them how precious new life is. I was teaching them the importance of family. I remember just feeling so much calm then. You are right, they truly DO teach us. I love that part of parenthood. Such a blessing.
And I can not get over how old/big Meadow looks all of the sudden, especially sitting there in her Bumbo. These babies need to slow down the growing up thing. 😉
Another fabulous post! Good luck returning back to work. I also work one day a week, and can't imagine handling "all of it" having to work full time. I would be a bit more of a nut I think. Which might be scary :)Thank you for sharing such great words and pictures. You inspired me to finally start my own blog. It is exciting to start…a bit intimidating. Oh – and I am number 55!!