New Life

I’m having a very difficult time putting it into words. . . The things I’ve been thinking. . .the things I’ve been feeling.  How do I accurately describe the way my heart has nearly exploded with love from the deepest parts of my soul? 

Words. . . they fail me. . . but still, I try. 

Meadow is two weeks old today.  It’s a funny thing when I realize she’s only been with us for two short weeks.  In all reality, it seems that she has always been a part of “us”.  This little lady has swept into our lives and without uttering a word she has changed us.  Or, at least she’s changed me.

Oh, how I love her.

You breathe new life
Into my broken heart

That is what has been happening over the past two weeks.  Bit by bit this tiny person has breathed new life into my broken heart.  Her presence in my life has brought healing and joy that is new and different and wonderful. 

It probably seems silly.  I have two other amazing children who have filled my life with so much goodness for the past six years.  Life with Charlie and Chanelle has always been fulfilling and lovely and happy.  I didn’t think there could be “more”.  But, like my friend said the night before Meadow was born:  this baby is here at this time for a specific reason.  I think I am beginning to experience that. 

While I have always enjoyed being a Mommy, this time something different is happening.  Perhaps it is the result of age and maturity.  Or maybe it’s the fact that Meadow is our last.  Or maybe is it life experience.  Or, a combination of them all.  This time, though, I am slowing down and drinking in every precious moment with our little girl. 

I remember when Charlie and Chanelle were babies, women, especially older women, would approach me with a caution:  enjoy this time it goes so fast.  I always smiled and nodded, but inside I wanted to scream, sleepless nights, crying babies, changing diapers, constant laundry, spit up, and trying to build life around nap time is not something that I enjoy.  I was certain that these ladies had exchanged their bifocals for rose-colored glasses, because this baby thing is tough stuff. 

Here I am, four years later, with a brand new baby girl and begging the hands on the clock to slow down.  I don’t want to miss a moment.

This time laundry sits dirty for a little while longer, crumbs find happy homes in the corner of the kitchen, and dust settles itself on the end tables for far too many days.  In the meantime, I sit and I take in every moment and I see it not at difficult or mundane, but beautiful.

When I hear her squawks come across the monitor at night, my heart jumps with excitement at the chance for quiet time with our little girl.  I sit and stare at her face while she eats.  I take in the way her eyes wince when she needs to burp.  I fully delight in the accidental smiles she gives while she rests peacefully in my arms.  And wiping her face seems like the most intimate of acts as I am struck with the reality that this little life is fully dependent on me.  The weight of this mother/child relationship has hit me full force in a way that it never has before. . .

. . . this motherhood thing is the most important job I will ever do. 

As I write this I am fully aware that I am not adequately expressing what my heart feels.  Truly, to do so feels like an impossibility.  What I know for sure, though, is that Meadow’s arrival has changed something in me.  My eyes have opened wider, my heart has enlarged, and my contentment has grown. . . and I don’t think I’m the only one. . .

Charlie and Chanelle are quite smitten with their new sister. 

Oh, how my words continue to fail me.  I guess if I had to sum it up. . . without a doubt there is no other place I would rather be and no other job I would rather be doing than to be a Mom to these three people who continue to teach me what life is really all about.