Love and Commitment

I am running behind.  This post is a day late.  I blame it on a full and busy weekend filled with many good things, but little time to sit and ponder.  However, I could not let a special day pass without recognizing it in this space. 

Yesterday, October 16th, was the day my In-laws celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. 

Forty years! 

As the day was approaching I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would say about this milestone.  How I could express my thankfulness for the life they have shared.  How I could effectively communicate what I have seen, from afar, and what their marriage has meant to me.  As I’ve pondered many things have come to mind, but I continue to return to the same theme. . . Love and Commitment.

My in-laws are phenomenal people.  I mean really good people.  Since I have only known them for 12 years, there is a lot that I don’t know about them.  What I do know, though, is quite incredible.  I would venture to say that they met this fortieth anniversary against all odds.  Forty years ago when these two people recited vows their ages ended with “teen”.  They were young.  They had no money.  And both came out of broken homes.  Needless to say, they had more than one strike against them.

I often work with couples who are about to be married.  I see clearly the rose-colored glasses that many young couples wear as they prepare for marriage.  When young and in love most couples seem to think nothing can go wrong.  The motto that love will see us through is prevalent and the thought that the “all-I-want-to-do-is-stare-into-your-eyes-and-hang-on-every-word-you-speak” feeling will ever disappear is insulting.  Truth be told, I’m sure I thought these things. I have also worked with couples who say they fell out of love and are ready to walk the the other way.  Couples who believe that since they don’t feel it anymore, it must not have been right.

Love is a fickle emotion.  It ebbs and it flows with the seasons of life and even with momentary shifts in mood.  Love is a beautiful, tender, sweet, and warm feeling. . . but it is just that. . . a feeling.  Yes, I believe that love is important. . . but I believe that commitment is even more important.

Commitment is different.  Commitment is a choice. Commitment, I would say, is the main ingredient of marriage.  If love is the milk, commitment is the meat.  Commitment, that is, to stay “in the game”. 

I don’t know and likely will never know all my in-laws have gone through in their forty years of marriage.  I have no doubt that there were times when love was difficult.  When they just weren’t feeling it.  When life’s challenges got in the way and blinded the early feelings of love.  I have no doubt that they had days, weeks, and months that were downright hard.  Regardless, I know that the commitment they made 40 years ago was the glue that kept them together.  The words that they pledged to one another kept their feet planted on days that, I’m certain, turning the other way would have been easier. 

I am so thankful for their commitment.   I am equally thankful for their love. 

When I think about what my in-laws may have seen and experienced in their own homes growing up, I understand the work they did to change a legacy that had been established.  I know it, because I married one of their two (incredible) sons.  I am so thankful that when it got hard, they stuck it out.  When things were tough, they sheltered their sons.  When it would have been easier to become mere roommates, they dug in and grew in love.  I’m thankful, for the legacy they are sharing with Chad and I and our growing family. 

So, while this is a day late I still had to take a moment to say thank you.  Thank you K and C for digging in.  For walking out the commitment you made forty years ago.  For loving each other and opening your hearts to love so many others.  Your love matters.  Your commitment matters.  You did something big when you joined your lives together. . .

Sorry for the not-so-good pics. . . these were my pre-photography days

. . . you began something bigger.